An open letter to my stepson, Malik on his 10th birthday

I often wonder and compare the lives that your father and I lead before we met. Wondering what he was doing when I was teaching in Canada, going to school, etc. We’ve made some funny connections such as when he was applying to Columbia International College and George Brown College…could our paths crossed earlier? Sometimes I yearn for that possibility of being with your father for more years; but then, you my dear, could never have been born.

Going back in history, it’s almost impossible to pinpoint any specific date and compare. But there was one day that I remember of which you, your father and I have in common, yet it would be years until we met.

August 9^th, 2009. This was of no extraordinary date to me before meeting you. But I can remember what I was doing based on the events around me. I was recently married, enjoyed a big celebration of our new marriage just the day before, and on this very day, I was celebrating a baby shower. My mind and dreams were full of thoughts of when I too, would become a mother.

I look back on this picture with mixed feelings; it’s actually a decent one of me at the shower, but I cringe knowing the heartache that lay ahead of my former self in the path that was set out for me to become your mom. My daily activities already included fake smiles, charting my ovulation and all of the other fun stuff when trying to conceive.  I would do it all again, habibi. On that very same day this picture was taken, in the midst of a very hot Middle Eastern summer in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, you were born. 

 You crash landed into my life, and my attachment did not happen immediately. I never thought I would enter into another serious relationship, much less with someone who already had a child from a previous marriage. God had other plans. We had to work on it, you and I. We will continue to have to work on it. But that’s the beauty of life and of family. Every relationship on this Earth can get messy, and I am lucky to go through the mess with you. You are a sweet and kind child who looked upon me with open arms as soon as we met. You came with no judgment or preconceived notions. Every hug brought laughter and tears and were of pure love and emotion that happened in the moment. While I guided you in English, stubborn manners and routine, I learned from you a new outlook on life. An outlook that can only be brought about from the wisdom of a child.

The years in Abu Dhabi all together were not easy. We were in a cramped apartment, each of us looking for our own space. But the year without you has been very difficult on both sides of the ocean. Often, you tell your father that you want to go back to the way things were. We didn’t have much of a home, but knowing you want to go back, reminds me that what we did have was love.  I am proud to say that when you come into the country, you will have a home, and a mom again. Our family is about to be reunited, and that’s a beautiful thing to celebrate on this August 9^th. Happy 10^th birthday yebni.